If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
