I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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