I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
