bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
