The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
