My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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