If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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