R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
