I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
