she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
