You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
