Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
