You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
