I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Randomize
