I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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