so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
