I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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