Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
