I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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