Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
