Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
