the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is Oprah even human
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
