Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
