Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
