let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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