I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
