Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
