normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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