maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
