im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
