Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
