no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
