I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
