he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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