dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm at about main and main street
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
