he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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