Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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