If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
