I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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