Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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