I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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