the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
