I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
