dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
