Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
