I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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