Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
