she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
