what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
