I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
