she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
