she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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