I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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