Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
