she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
