looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
