oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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