And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
